Piano piano sale questa sensazione di esser fuori posto d’un tratto solo il buio per me rimane il vuoto intorno e poi . . .
Looking back over the past few months, I can definitely see improvement in how I feel and what I can do. I still miss how resilient and capable I used to be, but I’m able to hope now that I might possibly sometime get back to “normal.” For now, it’s a matter of making sure I’m consistent with doing everything I am capable of doing. And maintaining a good routine.
I don’t go out much; just church on Sundays, library day on Saturdays, nature study on Mondays, and dates with Tony every week.
Every morning I do homeschool with Axa (and sometimes Raj). Today we were doing science, and we got to burn some food to see that it had stored energy inside. The children loved watching an almond, a little pile of oatmeal, and several fennel seeds go up in smoke. Then we talked about the plant and animal kingdoms, and what individual specimens go in each. When I presented coral, Raj proclaimed it to be “a moving, logical plant.” I wasn’t able to get a very understandable explanation of how he arrived at that classification, but I thought it was a pretty interesting one.
After homeschooling we all go outside, where Tony and I work together on our business while we watch the kids. After lunch we have quiet time, and then I try to get them outside again until dinner. And that’s a typical day. In my spare time, I read, study languages, or blog. I try to make sure to walk outside barefoot for at least a few minutes per day.
I’ve also decided to actually learn a new piano piece, for the first time in probably fifteen years. I picked out a Mozart sonata at random, and I practice it every day. I used to prefer more romantic, emotionally involved musical extravagances, like Rachmaninoff or Mussorgsky or Chopin. But Mozart’s measured, intricate prose is perfect for me now. He gives me a sense of a world well-ordered.
Life is good, really. And getting better.
‘Normal’ is relative. My normal has been universally declared ‘insane’ by everyone I know. Even my husband says he’s grateful for sickness because he can just relax and not do anything when I’m down for the count. ((Husbands…)) But when you’ve got as many kids, animals, projects and books going as I do, there is only one speed, and that’s break-neck.
Likewise, your ‘normal’ is whatever you need to be content (as opposed to ‘comfortable’. They’re not the same, you know). If you are contented by unwinding and taking it at a walk instead of a canter, so be it.
Music is therapeutic. Enjoy yourself. I haven’t played in years, either (majored in piano performance in college)… but that’s because ten little hands join me when I attempt to play anything. I can teach a lesson, only because I’m holding the other four off with my foot while nodding and counting out a beat for the one at the keyboard. Oi, it’s not supposed to be so COMPLICATED, this parenting thing, is it? Suzanne Ciani plays piano for me, these days. ((I won’t tell you that – at this very moment – the lid of my piano says ‘Dust Me’. How the HECK did they get up that high to write that…?))
In other news, I have finally made it to your ‘present’. WHEW. I’m not sure if that’s a proud ‘whew’ or a relieved ‘whew’… and worse, I don’t know if I’m going to be glad that I’ve caught up or frustrated that I have to wait patiently for the blogs to come, now, instead of having a stack of them readied and waiting for me… but here we are.
*Finally!*
Sarah and piano are truly a match made in heaven. I’ve always loved listening to you play. So happy to know you get to do it every day now. A big hug from your mom.
I admire your perseverance and faith. I’m sure it will only cause that sunlight to become brighter and more radiant. We love you!