What with the death of Hugo Chavez, the Syrian refugee count reaching 1 million, the coming drone apocalypse, and everything else depressing in the world, we all really need something to cheer us up. So here are my top picks from the last six months of search engine queries that have landed people at Casteluzzo. I notice that among other things, I seem to have become quite a versatile authority on some esoteric facets of pet ownership.
“coffee table repurposed to hold rabbit cage”
“homemade dog cage out of cardboard boxes”
“epic rat cages”
You overestimate my inventiveness, as well as my menagerie.
“brut cologne out of date”
No way! It’s still very much da mode. See also: “infatuated with his smell”
“$150,000 worth of jelly beans”
Thanks. You shouldn’t have.
“christmas turkey wrapped in bacon”
Yes, I did. It tasted like 14 pounds of bacon.
“bacon wrapped dove”
I think this might be taking the concept a little too far . . .
“how to draw a sugar glider”
Good luck! I can’t even get a non-blurry photo of one.
“what is the best way to create a roller coaster with at least three hills and one loop that can transport a marble at least 2 meters from start to finish”
Why do people keep asking me this question?
“artificial spanish fir x-mas tree with raindrops”
Raindrops? Really? That’s a whole new dimension of flocked.
“motorbike sidecar” or “motorcycle sidecar” erotic film italy dead mother”
Um. I’m not sure if this film is really my style. Anyone else?
“can sugar glider eat ice cream”
“can sugar glider eat pepperoni”
“can sugar gliders eat popcorn”
No, no, and no! Please feed your sugar glider responsibly.
“people steal my trash in deltona”
“hot american kissing”
Well, we’re American. And we’re hot. And we kiss. So yes. I guess.
“baby rabbit mask glasses diapers”
“creating a government for a marooned island people”
Is this some kind of political reality show?
“is it possible to take my sugar glider to school in secret?”
Looks like yes: “kid has sugar glider in pocket at school”
“dining room is not” buddha
Neither is my dining room. I’m sure the feng shui is off too.
“mushroom growing in bathroom natural conditions”
I don’t even want to know.
“i sometimes cook i always clean the bathroom i almost never clean the kitchen”
Look, I think we’ve had enough housekeeping confessions.
“praying mantis for sale in philippines”
Any takers? I hear they make great pets, and keep the bug population down too.
“green banana fitted with a stand and decorated” and “i capricorn i dream of papaya what it means”
I think it might mean that you should lay off on the exotic fruit snacking before bed.
graphic courtesy of wordle